Tuesday, November 25, 2008

How to feed your dog on Thanksgiving

Instructions

Step1
The dos and don'ts of turkey. Most dogs love the taste of turkey and will devour it bones and all if you allow it. Giving your dog turkey from the table with bones still attached can be a recipe for disaster. Turkey bones are hollow and can easily splinter and become lodged in the intestines. In some cases, this can require surgical removal. If you want to give your dog a taste of the Thanksgiving turkey, carefully remove some of the skin from white meat, which is lower in fat than dark meat, and place it in your dog's bowl along with his regular food. Removing the skin removes fat which can increase the risk of pancreatitits. Remember to throw away left over turkey bones in a container your dog can't access.
Step2
Avoid chocolate. Chocolate is a food that should never be given to a dog even as a Thanksgiving treat. If you want your dog to have a special Thanksgiving dessert, bake some fresh homemade doggy baskets. You can find a variety of recipes on the internet.
Step3
Nix the fat. Feeding your dog high fat foods can increase the risk of pancreatitis which is a serious and even life threatening condition. Avoid giving your dog any Thanksgiving foods that are high in fat or have added sauces. Vegetables served with the Thanksgiving meal can be mixed in with your dog's food as long as they have no added butter or high fat sauce on them. Two foods that should never be given to dogs at Thanksgiving or any other time are garlic and onions, both of which can be toxic. This is of concern at Thanksgiving since many dressings have garlic and onion added.
Step4
Although you may understand the importance of not feeding your dog from the table at Thanksgiving, your visiting family and friends may not. There's the temptation to sneak a bite to the dog if the dog is allowed free reign during dinner. For this reason, give your dog a treat of his own in another room during Thanksgiving dinner.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dog vs. Cat

The differences between dogs and cats are nicely summed up in these diary excerpts:

DOG DIARY
7:00 AM - Outside! My favorite thing!

8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

2:00 PM - Looked out the window and barked! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

4:00 PM - Chased a bird out of the tree! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 PM - Watched my people eat! My favorite thing!

6:20 PM - Table scraps! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog continues to receive special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.

He is obviously retarded.